技术交流: Website Critique

Yes, too much text (and not enough graphics). Too many colors and font sizes as well, with a unclear path you want the reader's eye to follow and action to take.

Jay's right. Too much text and too many options. What do you want the reader to do? Pare it down to one topic per page: one for baseball, a second for softball, etc.

It looks more like a calendar than a sales page. Tell people WHY they should sign up, WHAT they'll get, HOW to do it, WHO the camp is for (10 year olds, 15 year olds, 8 year olds), as well as WHEN the camp runs.

You should add some pics of some happy kids playing sports on the home page and also the other specific pages. You have lots of great pics on your brochure. That will make your site more welcoming and friendly.

I think the Navigate bar has too many options. (And do you need both bars?) You have 3 tabs: Summer Camp Brochure, Register for Camp here, and Summer Camp. Could you just have Summer Camp, and then on that page have a link to the Brochure and to Register. Use your About Us tab to consolidate the Facility and Staff tabs on the Navigate bar. Also think about possibly moving the Driving Directions on the Contact us tab. Anything you can do to streamline the site will be helpful to any visitors.

Think about what words parents would likely type in a search for your services? Be sure to use these keywords often in your copy so that when someone searches for "baseball camp" for example, your site will pull up. Repeat them when you can, just don't go overboard so that it becomes annoying and obvious. Also, think about other sites you could point to or other sites that may be interested in added your website as a link on theirs. (Maybe schools or a Chamber of Commerce.) This helps give your site more prominence in web search engines.

Hope this helps! Good luck and have fun!
Alison

You’re not capturing people’s attention because you’re not appealing to the movies running in people’s heads.

In the camp movie running in the heads of busy Moms and Dads, they see their kids running, jumping, skipping, and laughing themselves silly.

They see their kids taking part in crafts, activities, hikes, competitions, and group events. They see their kids fitting in, being socially accepted, and having a great time.

What Moms and Dads DO NOT want to see in the camp movie running in the theatre of their mind is text, charts, and big red blocks of tone. What the visual elements you’re currently using scream out at people is dull, dull, dull.

Now, if your camp is for left brain, 11-year old trainee chartered accountants, fine. But I would imagine your audience is regular kids.

Step away from the problem and, here’s a revolutionary thought ... ask some kids what they think of your site. Ask them what they’d want to see at your camp. Then, once you’ve got these results, act on them and give your audience what they’re asking for

Stop thinking like a CPA and begin thinking like your audience: Moms and Dads and kids. Pictures paint pictures. Words weave mystery, wonder, and excitement. At the moment your
text talks too much about YOU.

Add your lack of images to the fact that you talk about yourself almost five times as much as you talk about your customers (2 customer-focused words as opposed to 9 self-focused words, and 2 mentions of the your camp name).

Compare this camp websitewww.ultimatecampresource.com(currently holding the number 4 spot on Google for the search term “summer camp activities”), with your webpage.

See the difference?

是的,如上所述,过于单调和冗长。发送你ur children away on camp is an emotive choice. We need pictures of laughing, smiling children. Try istock.com for stock photography which will be of a high enough quality. Just search for 'happy children'. Better still get some good photos of your campers!

I suggest you look at the following private school websites, (all in England - I'm English) which will give you a feel of how they sell 'happy, well cared for children'.

www.queenmarys.org
wwww.queenmargarets.org.uk
www.huddersfield-grammarschool.co.uk

The text that you DO have in there needs to be full of optimism and fun (remember kids will see these pages too) rather than the nitty gritty - if they want that info, they'll ask for it. We need to hear things like this:

You never forget a Spartans' summer! Rafting, running, acting, swimming, pitching, bowling - and most of all, making friends. Spartan's kids form lifelong bonds lasting much longer than the glorious 7 weeks at camp.

Situated in picturesque *Blah*, and equipped with fantastic facilities, our camp provides an exhilerating (if exhausting!) holiday for children, during which time they learn independance, new skills, socialize and generally have a ball.

The above needs work, but you see it's all very upbeat and evocative. A child is going to be much more likely to want to go to that - and they put pressure on Mum and Dad!

Excuse my appalling spelling, I don't know what's wrong with me today.

Email if you want further assistance